I Want Money: Puppies For Sale
It is said that the best things in life are free, or so the song went, but you can keep them for the birds and bees. The punch line, of course, being “I want money.” Well, what surprises me most about this line of thinking, other than it being extremely narcissistic, is that is it a categorically false imperative. If indeed the best things in life are free, then that would exclude the need for money as a means of securing goods and services.
I would not dare thwart the wisdom of The Flying Lizards, rather, if money is indeed a primary concern then by all means it should be vouchsafed as quickly and securely as possible. One means to that end is scouring your local, online classified advertisements. Granted, you will not be plunging into a world of tremendous ethical fortitude, but you may find the few significant things that classifieds excel at offering — namely, used cars, warn household appliances, and puppies for sale — are there for the taking.
But I must point your attention to the old saying: caveat emptor. Buyer, beware. The onus is squarely on your shoulders. Any fool foolish enough to purchase a used toaster sight-unseen deserves everything coming to him. The key to effectively navigating the half-baked and often incomprehensible world of the online classifieds is having some sense of what it is you’re in the market for. Simply stumbling about the site, as I am prone to do, will only waste hours of your life and encourage a migraine.
While I have no quarrel with the Bismarck Busy Bee, I would be hard-pressed to afford the shipping and handling for my $3 toaster oven. The best online classifieds, in my humble opinion, are those corresponding to a major metropolitan area. Yes, I prefer it done on one side — and no, I’m not English. Not entirely.
The great fiber-optic tangle that is the Internet, has given us a great many distractions, the least significant of which is the online classified website. While trolling through ads for used flip-flops may not be your cup of tea, it does provide a unique perspective on the nature of mankind and our relationship with, as George Carlin put it, our stuff. If you need stuff, find yourself a stuff site and buy some stuff.
Behold, I have seen the future and it is a slogan painted on a placard. What does it say? Puppies for sale, of course.
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