A Parent’s Role in College Selection
It’s not easy letting go of the role of chief planner in your child’s life. But, that is one of the first steps in cutting the proverbial cord when sending him off to college. You can start by taking the role of silent partner during his senior year in high school as he goes through the college application process. If you are too heavily involved, you will be known as a ‘helicopter parent’ who is constantly hovering around. Instead, take note of the following suggestions:
1. Support, don’t criticize. For example, if you don’t necessarily agree with your child’s choice for a major, keep it to yourself. Instead, say things like, “You are young and bright and the whole world is yours to explore.” Remember, any lessons that are meant to be learned will happen regardless of how you handle things. Your role is to empower them to discover who they are.
2. Listen up. Remember the ‘silent’ in the partner role that you should take. You can still be an active communicator by doing what you can to draw your child’s thoughts and feelings to the forefront. Ask thoughtful questions and sit back and listen as your child starts to verbalize his vision for his future.
3. Keep the high school connection strong. Here is where you help will likely be needed the most. There will be a lot of informative meetings about financial aid, application letters, etc. and your child will appreciate you keeping it all straight with him. You could make a big calendar with deadlines and dates for an easy glance for the whole family to know what is going on and when.
4. Become the cheerleader. You can show your enthusiasm (and love) for your child’s future by celebrating the successes and supporting him during the disappointments along the way. By all means, when there’s good news make a big deal of it. Keep in mind that one of the most important things he’ll need to take to that dorm with him is a healthy self esteem.
While your involvement in big decisions might feel as if you’re walking a fine line from now on, it’s better to let your child grow and become more responsible during this time. He’ll need you to help with things like campus visits and financial aid papers, and your love and listening abilities will never be unwelcome.
Marc Blair is an adjunct faculty member of a Boston area college. He is an advocate of online universities and online colleges offering career oriented graduate programs.